There’s nothing quite like nailing the an initial date. The conversation was electric, all of her jokes to be funny, and both of girlfriend knew you want to watch each other naked. Basically, there was going to it is in a second date, and also you both knew it. Until you destroyed it with text messages.

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There’s nothing favor coming home from an epos date and also then staring at your phone wondering what the hell you’re supposed to perform next. Execute you text? perform you not text? What execute you say? just how long perform you wait prior to you say it? What if they have their read receipts turn on, and also they review it however don"t answer immediately, and you spend the following three hours and 45 minutes sending out screenshots of her conversation to your friends so they can aid you understand specifically how you go out it in just so numerous words?

Texting is tough. There’s no accounting for ton or timing. It"s a delicate dance, particularly when you"re messaging who you just met, and also you actually treatment whether or no you watch them again. You can fully seal the resolve a text, or you have the right to blow things up entirely. Therefore to help you achieve the former, we got to out come Tripp Kramer, organize of the podcast How to speak to Girls.

When should I message after the an initial date?

Don"t message as quickly as you leaving the date—but don"t wait also long, either.

While you may want to message your day immediately and say something favor "Get residence safe," Kramer trust it"s far better to let a little little bit of time pass. "Leave part mystery," he says. "...It"s an excellent to permit you and her both reflect ~ above the date, and also then follow up within 2-3 job to satisfy up again."

"Within" is the key word here—you can be pushing it if you wait till the end of work three.

What must I say once I message them?

Pick increase the conversation whereby you left off on her date.

When you"re prepared to set up another date, "Text him or her and also comment on miscellaneous you men talked around on the date, or an inside joke you had actually from your time together," Kramer says. "This it s okay the conversation flowing."

But remember: you don"t want to fall into the habit of text massage this brand-new person too often. You’re no looking to come to be pen pals—you want to actually date. Therefore the much less you leave on the phone, the better.



Plan her next date as soon as possible.If you’re all text and also no action, they"re walking to get bored, or think you’re not interested. If you want to actually check out this human again, make plans to, well, view them again!

"After 3-4 message messages back and forth, invite her out to do something else," Kramer says. However he warns: "Make sure it"s different than every little thing you walk the very first time." If your first date was dinner, then carry out an activity. If your first date to be drinks, then maybe go out to dinner.

"You want variety in the beginning of dating to save things interesting," he says.

Keep your clothes on.

Unless your an initial date associated sex—and no judgment if so, expect you had actually fun!—it sets a bad precedent to take it it to sexting as well quickly.

"Don"t rotate a text conversation sex-related unless you guys have actually been having actually sex," Kramer says. "You run a huge risk talking sexually come a mrs you haven"t to be intimate with, due to the fact that you 2 haven"t in reality crossed the boundary yet."

If your day starts to take things to a sex-related place, Kramer recommends following their lead, however remember to store it mellow. You desire to invest time through this human being in real life, not have actually a sex-related pen pal. "It"s not around having a sexting convo—rather, it"s about actually meeting up with her."


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We likewise asked real people what lock think around texting after ~ the an initial date.

Here’s what they had to say.

"If I desire to view you again and also I don’t hear indigenous you for 2-3 days, I’d think you to be playing gamings with me."

“I admit that as soon as I to be younger ns loved the idea of the chase. If i was really liking a guy and he didn’t message me earlier immediately ~ the date, it would certainly absolutely build anticipation and also would make me want to view him more. It’s all component of the ‘game.’ but now that I’m in mine 30s ns pretty much understand right away whether or no I desire to watch you again. If I desire to view you again and I don’t hear indigenous you because that 2-3 days, I’d think you to be playing gamings with me, and also I’m not 24 anymore.” —Elizabeth, 33

"If you favor someone, text them the you had fun."

“Don’t be fear to message first. Girlfriend don’t desire to be super thirsty, yet if you like someone, message them that you had fun and also want to see them again. Every this ‘waiting for them come text’ stuff just winds up with two civilization being uncomfortable the other human being didn’t text them.” —Andrea, 25.

"You don"t have come wait."

"You don’t have come wait the allotted 2-3 days; the feels long especially if it’s clear we both really choose each other." —Sharon, 28

"If you choose the person, why are you playing gamings with them?"

“I always text as shortly as I get home if the day was fun. If you like the person, why space you playing gamings with them? allow them know you had fun. If they favor you, they’ll desire to hang out again.” —Justin, 27

"No one is so busy they can"t answer a text."

“If who is actually right into you, they’re going to post you appropriate back. They’ll be appropriate by your phone. Nobody is so liven they can’t answer a text.” —Becks, 23.

"Don"t write-up cryptic ingredient on social media."

“If you’re make the efforts to day someone, don’t write-up cryptic stuff on social media and also not message them back. It renders you look kind of desperate, in my moral opinion. It doesn’t convey the you’re busy, the conveys the you’re who who’s insecure and also plays games. Adult don’t do that. You never recognize if someone is spring you increase on socials, but assume the they are.” —Adam, 28.

"It"s pretty to know you to be memorable."

“Send something particular that they’ll laugh about—something that can be an inside thing. Maybe you both are right into the very same show and you might send a hoax from the show. Probably you talked around something certain that you might mention. Everything it is, it’s pretty to understand you were memorable.” —Jules, 29.

"Keep the conversation going by questioning thoughtful questions."

“I’d remain away indigenous anything lame like, ‘Hey,’ ‘What’s up?,’ ‘WYD?’ because then they might not establish you’re in reality trying to have actually a chat. Save the conversation going by questioning thoughtful questions.” —Michael, 32.

"You don"t desire to be messaging ago and forth for weeks."

“Ask out again as quickly as possible. You don’t want to be messaging back and forth for weeks on end. That winds increase going nowhere.” —Maxine, 30.

"Three work tops."

“I’d speak 3 work tops prior to you questioning for an additional date. You want to hookup , not chat to your pen pal.” —Lily, 28.

"If you don"t want to check out me again, climate don"t text me in ~ all."

“I cannot stand as soon as I have actually a an excellent date v and then simply proceed to text me arbitrarily stream the consciousness. Execute you desire to view each other again or not? If I’m text massage you back, climate I’ll most likely say yes. And also if girlfriend don’t want to see me again, climate don’t text me at all, since it’s confusing,” —Leah, 27

"Before obtaining sexual, test the waters the end first."

“If the conversation naturally gets sexy and I’m right into it, I’ll let girlfriend know. Before getting sexual, test the waters out first. You might send miscellaneous like, ‘I’ve been thinking about you all day,’ and see what the response is. If they say, ‘Oh yeah? What to be you reasoning about?’ , you could say, ‘I’ve to be thinking about kissing you.’ That’s type of sexy, yet not also aggressive.” —Brooke, 30.

"We desire to get to recognize you with every one of our garments on first."

“Listen, ladies love sex as much as men do. That’s not news. But if we’re just starting to date, we want to obtain to know you with all of our garments on first. No saying the to it is in a prude, we can totally have sex, and hopefully it will certainly be awesome. However if all you’re talking to me about, in the beginning, is obtaining me naked, then you likely are having that very same conversation through a many other women, too. In mine opinion.” —Grace, 31

"It"s 2021. It is in straightforward."

“If the conversation normally turns to sex, I constantly suggest questioning if they’re under for sexting. It’s 2021. Be straightforward. If it’s gaining dirty simply say, ‘Are friend OK through sexting?’ If is right into it, you’ll know. I appreciate honesty.” —Tim, 29.

"I"d favor to recognize right far what the deal is."

“I’m a raunchy sexter myself so if he isn’t into that, i don’t think we’re a an excellent match. I’d like to recognize right far what the transaction is.” —Anna, 30.

"Don"t gain too in-depth around the future."

“You should definitely be thoughtful, but don’t get too in-depth around the future before a second or third date. Don’t make jokes around getting married or our future kids. The is a large red flag.” —Agata, 28.

"You can always suggest a virtual date."

“You can constantly suggest a virtual date, if her schedules room crazy or, friend know, there’s a pandemic happening. If you’re emotion someone’s energy and are genuinely interested in them, tell them you’re cursed to making the date happen however you can.” —Henri, 27.

"It"s it s okay to it is in a tiny vulnerable."

“If you’re talking and also things feel natural, it’s okay to it is in a little vulnerable. You shouldn’t be dropping the L-word after ~ one date, but telling who you really choose them or you the you watch a future v them reflects that you’re serious. If the puts lock off, they most likely weren’t the serious around it anyway. I like understanding what I’m gaining into. I’m no twelve.” —Heidi, 25.

"Don"t waste my time."

“Be enthusiasm if you desire to hang the end again and also straightforward if friend don’t. There is nothing ns hate an ext than who messaging me nonstop because that weeks just to find out the they aren’t interested in see me again. Don’t waste my time.” —Andy, 30.

"Don"t start sending out "good morning" messages after a an initial date."

“My large tip? Don’t start sending ‘good morning’ texts after a very first date. It’s too quickly for that relationship-y nonsense!” —Cristina, 31.

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Finally, no cock pics, please.

“Unless especially asked.” —Tara, 30