The various other night my friend Sophie stopped me as I was watching the over video on my phone. Our friend Dana had just shelp, “AM I WRONG?” in the very same cadence as the guy in this video, and I was get over with the urge to watch the video again.

You are watching: She wore a crown and came down in a bubble

“You know just how I know you have actually the hyperactive sort of ADHD?” Sophie asked. (She also has ADHD, and also we talk about it frequently.) I shelp “Of course I don’t, Sophie.” She responded: “Since you’ve now watched that video three times in a row.”

I’ll admit, there’s a MalonEmail essay in my future about how being diagnosed through ADHD in my late 20s was the enhance in the powder barrel that set off a chain explosion of existential situations, forcing me to reframe and also reconsider practically everything I ever before assumed I knew about myself and the life I’d constructed approximately that. But such an emotional vivisection is for another day. Instead, let’s channel all my power of denial into overthinking what is—in my mind, however also objectively, carry out not question my authority, I am an EXPERT—nopoint less than an Internet Masterpiece.

Why “The Wicked Witch of the East, Bro!” is the platonic appropriate of a meme, broken down into a 10-step play-by-play

“HOLD ON. HOLD ON. HOLD ON. You’re—HOLD ON.” We start our tour via the kind of steamroll-yelling that sends my anxiety hormones with the roof, while also inspiring awe at how a lot screaming cis white dudes consistently gain ameans via, also towards various other cis white dudes. (Men are clearly as well emotional to organize positions of power!) This opening is irritating, you can be reasoning, and also I now resent out the person that sent me a bros-doing-dumb-shit viral clip, couchsurfingcook.com. Fear not, my curious comrades, for tright here is more.

“HER SISTER. WAS A WITCH. RIGHT?” Wait—

“THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST, bro!” Oh. OH. Okay, so currently it’s starting to make sense. Right? Kind of? At the incredibly leastern, we understand this is an argument around The Wizard of Oz. What argument he’s trying to make is still unclear: is…the Wicked Witch of the Eastthe princess…? Who hurt this man? (Related: what is it favor to be a guy, so deeply confident in your triusing understanding and expertise that you jump straight to screamsplaining, rather of second-guessing yourself to the brink of madness at the mere inkling of a pointer that you could be incorrect, possibly? Amirite, ladies??)Allow me, at this point in the tour, to additionally encourage you all to appreciate the body language: unhinged head-bob punctuating each word, plus whatever before these emphasis prayer hands are doing. 13 secs in and also currently we’re obtaining right into undiluted, Vine-grade internet fire.

“You’re gonna sit tright here and you’re gonna tell me that I’m wrong? AM I WRONG?”Is it feasible our star mansplainer has been to anger management? Sure! At one allude he voluntarily clears himself from the confrontation, stomping right into the other room to sulk around *checks notes* being told he’s wrong around the Wicked Witch of the East? However before, if he did, he clearly did not complete the program, because at this point he comes back around, hands organized out favor a really, very out-of-character shruggy guy: I DEFY YOU TO FIND A FLAW IN MY UNIMPEACHABLE LOGIC THAT THE WITCH WHO WAS KILLED BY THE HOUSE PROVES THAT THE GOOD WITCH (?) WAS IN FACT A PRINCESS, DESPITE THE FACT THAT THE ALLEGED PRINCESS IN QUESTION ISN’T EVEN RELATED TO EITHER OF THE WITCH SISTERS WE’D HYPOTHETICALLY BE USING IN THIS ARGUMENT.

“SHE WORE A CROWN AND CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE, DAWG.” I’m pretty sure I review somewhere that this dispute started after they lost a round of that common mobile app game Head’s Up, because the Knife Guy fairesulted in attach that Mansplainer’s “princess” ideas were actually expected to have actually been pointing towards the answer “Glinda the Good Witch of the North.” Yet the fact that both of these are provided as arguments for why Glinda the Good Witch of the North is, in reality, a princess—that she wore a crvery own (actually a good argument) and also came down in a bubble (???)—defies factor. Nevertheless, have actually you ever heard such divine madness? I’ve been converted. Glinda is a princess. Princesses take a trip in bubbles. It’s canon now, dawg.

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“Grow up! Grow up, bro.”Have you ascended to the next plane? I absolutely have. Just an impeccable finish to what can be the platonic appropriate of the sort of unhinged, overzealous mansplaining logic that has actually come to specify not just the internet however currently the meatroom universe, too. At this suggest, via so many feasible armageddons (armageddi?) waiting on the horizon, each waiting to take their revolve at the complete annihilation of humankind, you’ve gotta wonder whether the just factor so-dubbed human being is still hanging on in 2020 is an outcome of the sheer momentum generated by the absolutely unstoppable conviction of people (jk, cishet guys, lmao) that on a regular basis remain so utterly wrong and still, somehow, win the argument?? If only we might harness it; “her sister a witch” might surely feature as an different power to relocation coal. At least!

The girl filming just living for thisAs we round the bend to reach the end of this tour, you may notice: this girl, this intrepid documentary filmmaker, has actually been with us the totality time. She is us, really.