Since Netflix’s relax of the thriller Bird crate in mid-December, the internet has been abuzz v Sandra Bullock content. It seems that human being are either simply finding out around America’s Sweetheart, or space rediscovering your love for the Academy Award-winning actress. Regardless, now seems like as an excellent a time as any to praise Sandy for she prolific career. And with #20GayTeen in our back pocket, and the Sapphic and suggestive Ocean’s 8 in our rearview, ns just have actually one thing to say: The civilization is ready for Sandra Bullock come play gay.
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Many the Sandy’s movies and characters have actually been adopted by the lesbian neighborhood in the past. Of course, yes sir Miss Congeniality (2000), in i m sorry Bullock theatre the crass and traditionally woman FBI certified dealer Gracie Hart. In might of 2018, the actress showed up on Ellen and revealed the the movie’s screenwriter, Marc Lawrence, actually wrote the movie around Ellen. So, if the open-mouth-masticating, baggy pants-sporting, brawny cop personality felt queer to you, then you’re right—Gracie was actually based turn off a soft-butch! however I digress, the character no actually queer.
Tons that Sandy’s roles have a similar vibe and aesthetic to she Miss Congeniality character, one which can only be explained as BDE (Big Dyke Energy). Look in ~ her action movies alone: in the fast-paced thriller Speed (1994), the Bullock stars the contrary Keanu Reeves together Annie. Annie bravely grabs hold of the wheel top top a speeding bus, which has been rigged come detonate a bomb if that drops below 50 mph. At one point, Bullock drops she floral blouse and dons a chop turquoise tank-top, a la buy it Connor in The Terminator; my gay ass swooned.
The following year, Bullock starred in The Net, another edge of your seat thriller, which features one of her gayest—and hence hottest—aesthetics ever. Together Angela, a computer system programmer rotate badass activity star, Sandy wears denim jackets, fondles floppy disks, and also conquers cyberterrorists, all while dressing like a fluffy-haired 90s lesbo. The network is actually a an excellent movie, if you looking for much more Sandy contents to quench her gay thirst.
Obviously, yes Practical Magic, the 1998 witch movie in i m sorry Bullock plays among the Owens sisters, a heat of witches who were cursed by their ancestor. The curse will kill any type of man who falls in love with an Owens sister, so wherever Owens women go, dead guys follow. Just how these ladies don’t start dating other women is past me. If there’s ever before a gay Practical Magic reboot, it’d have zero conflict and also be utterly boring, due to the fact that the Owens sisters might just date women and ignore the curse (I’m tho super down though). However gay plots aside, Sandy attract choker necklaces in Practical Magic—choker necklaces!! The number one signifier of mrs queerness!! She likewise dons some high-waisted denim and does the gay Lean—you know the one, whereby a woman leans against furniture prefer a mechanic wiping under his wrench. That the optimal position from which come exert pheromones. Ns love a woman who leans versus furniture. Anyway, all witches are canonically queer, and therefore, for this reason is this movie.
In The Proposal (2009), Sandy dram Margaret Tate, that was, in mine eyes, a power Lesbian trapped by the vise fixed of internalized homophobia-induced heterosexuality. Margaret is a high-profile executive, management editor-in-chief of a publishing agency in brand-new York, and also is the bitchiest, nastiest Jeri Hogarth-esque boss in the biz (all that those words are compliments, through the way). That any kind of man, even Ryan Reynolds, to be able to handle all the power-suited, sharp-tongued BDE, is a significant feat. Climate there’s The warmth (2013), where Bullock theatre an FBI agent as soon as again (it’s usually a Miss Congeniality sequel), and Gravity (2013), wherein she return to her action roots as a rough survivalist astronaut butch.
So, end the decades, Sandy has actually played numerous characters that have actually teetered ~ above the sheet of queerness. The brings us earlier to 2018’s Ocean’s 8. The lesbian neighborhood was collection aflame at the sex-related tension in between Bullock and Cate Blanchett’s personalities in the con movie; lock read an ext like a irreversible lesbian pair than a pair of friends or “partners” in crime. Actually, the greatest crime committed in Ocean’s 8 was the lack of consummation or confirmation of lesbianism in between Debbie (Bullock) and also Lou (Blanchett). One Vulture movie critic even ranked every eight stars by lesbian energy, and Bullock and also Blanchett unsurprisingly snagged the peak two spots, followed very closely by Rihanna and also Sarah Paulson.
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And no for nothing, yet Bullock bag up through queer fave sarah Paulson for the 2nd time in Bird Box, which would’ve to be a lot an ext exciting if the women had actually played girlfriends rather of sisters. Nonetheless, Sandy starred in yet another action thriller, conserving the day with her Herculean muscles and panic voice. She flexed her rafting and survival skills, wore ugly long boots, own a fucking bird, and yet in which method still ended up straight!
For masculine actors, there’s a long-standing hoax (or reality trend) that play gay will certainly win friend an Oscar. The very same cannot be claimed for mrs actors, because lesbian movies space historically snubbed in ~ the Oscars (see: Cate Blanchett, Carol). However, Sandy has already won one Oscar for her function in The remote Side (2010), and once you victory an Oscar, you can pretty much do every little thing the fuck friend want. Most Oscar winners either save winning Oscars, or start chillin’ in huge budget thrillers and also get memed the end the wazoo by their gay pan (what’s up Nicole Kidman?). No violation to Sandra Bullock, who could easily swing another win at the Academy Awards, yet she’s seemingly gone the last route.
So, Sandy, this is my advice: America is gay now, and also if you want to stay America’s Sweetheart, you must dig deep and get gayer. Strap on your ugly ass Land’s end hiking boots and also an L.L. P vest—or bulletproof vest—and team up through Cate Blanchett or sarah Paulson again. Offer the world what they want. Actually, this is my advice to all Academy Award-winning actresses end 40: If you’re no going to store winning Oscars favor Meryl Streep, then just lean hard into lesbianism and getting memed, and also I promise, you’ll never ever before lose an oz of relevance. Simply look in ~ Rachel Weisz. Rachel Weisz starred in 2 lesbian movie in 2018, and also has set herself up because that a bountiful life there is no of Oscar wins. And really, isn’t the a utopian future because that Hollywood actresses?