Because Netflix’s release of the thriller Bird Box in mid-December, the internet has actually been abuzz through Sandra Bullock content. It seems that people are either simply finding out about America’s Sweetheart, or are rediscovering their love for the Academy Award-winning actress. Regardmuch less, now appears choose as great a time as any type of to praise Sandy for her prolific career. And with #20GayTeen in our ago pocket, and also the Sapphic and also suggestive Ocean’s 8 in our rearsee, I simply have one point to say: The human being is ready for Sandra Bullock to play gay.
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Many kind of of Sandy’s movies and characters have actually been adopted by the lesbian community in the previous. Of course, there’s Miss Congeniality (2000), in which Bullock plays the crass and also traditionally masculine FBI agent Gracie Hart. In May of 2018, the actress showed up on Ellen and revealed that the movie’s screenwriter, Marc Lawrence, actually created the movie about Ellen. So, if the open-mouth-masticating, baggy pants-sporting, brawny cop character felt queer to you, then you’re right—Gracie was actually based off a soft-butch! But I digress, the character wasn’t actually queer.
Tons of Sandy’s functions have actually a comparable vibe and aesthetic to her Miss Congeniality character, one which can only be described as BDE (Big Dyke Energy). Look at her activity movies alone: in the fast-paced thriller Speed (1994), the Bullock stars opposite Keanu Reeves as Annie. Annie bravely grabs organize of the wheel on a speeding bus, which has been rigged to detonate a bomb if it drops below 50 mph. At one point, Bullock drops her fldental blousage and also dons a tight turquoise tank-optimal, a la Sarah Connor in The Terminator; my gay ass swooned.
The following year, Bullock starred in The Net, an additional edge of your seat thriller, which features among her gayest—and for this reason hottest—aesthetics ever. As Angela, a computer system programmer turned badass activity star, Sandy wears denim jackets, fondles floppy disks, and conquers cyberterrorists, all while dressing like a fluffy-haired 90s lesbo. The Net is actually a great movie, if you’re searching for more Sandy content to quench your gay thirst.
Obviously, there’s Practical Magic, the 1998 witch movie in which Bullock plays among the Owens sisters, a line of witches who were cursed by their ancestor. The curse will certainly kill any kind of male that drops in love via an Owens sister, so wherever Owens womales go, dead males follow. How these woguys don’t begin dating other woguys is beyond me. If there’s ever a gay Practical Magic reboot, it’d have zero conflict and be utterly boring, because the Owens sisters might simply day woguys and also neglect the curse (I’m still super down though). But gay plots aside, Sandy wears choker necklaces in Practical Magic—choker necklaces!! The number one signifier of female queerness!! She additionally dons some high-waisted denim and does the Gay Lean—you recognize the one, where a woguy leans versus furniture like a mechanic wiping down his wrench. It’s the optimal position from which to exert pheromones. I love a woguy who leans versus furniture. Anyway, all witches are canonically queer, and therefore, so is this movie.
In The Proposal (2009), Sandy plays Margaret Tate, that was, in my eyes, a Power Lesbian trapped by the vise grip of internalized homophobia-induced heterosexuality. Margaret is a high-profile executive editor-in-chief of a publishing firm in New York, and also is the bitchiest, nastiest Jeri Hogarth-esque boss in the biz (all of those words are compliments, by the way). That any type of man, even Ryan Reynolds, was able to take care of all that power-suited, sharp-tongued BDE, is a major feat. Then there’s The Heat (2013), wbelow Bullock plays an FBI agent when again (it’s basically a Miss Congeniality sequel), and also Gravity (2013), where she returns to her action roots as a rugged survivalist astronaut butch.
So, over the decades, Sandy has played plenty of personalities that have teetered on the edge of queerness. That brings us earlier to 2018’s Ocean’s 8. The lesbian area was set aflame at the sexual tension between Bullock and also Cate Blanchett’s characters in the con movie; they check out even more prefer a long-term lesbian couple than a pair of friends or “partners” in crime. Actually, the biggest crime committed in Ocean’s 8 was the lack of consummation or confirmation of lesbianism between Debbie (Bullock) and also Lou (Blanchett). One Vulture critic also ranked all eight stars by lesbian power, and Bullock and also Blanchett unsurprisingly snagged the height two spots, followed carefully by Rihanna and also Sarah Paulkid.
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And not for nopoint, however Bullock pairs up with queer fave Sarah Paulboy for the second time in Bird Box, which would’ve been a lot more exciting if the womales had played girlfriends rather of sisters. Nonethemuch less, Sandy starred in yet one more action thriller, conserving the day via her Herculean muscles and panic voice. She flexed her rafting and also survival abilities, wore ugly hiking boots, owned a fucking bird, and yet somejust how still finished up straight!
For male actors, there’s a long-standing joke (or realistic trend) that playing gay will certainly win you an Osauto. The very same cannot be sassist for female actors, bereason lesbian movies are historically snubbed at the Oscars (see: Cate Blanchett, Carol). However, Sandy has already won an Oscar for her function in The Blind Side (2010), and as soon as you win an Osauto, you have the right to pretty a lot perform whatever the fuck you want. Many Oscar winners either store winning Oscars, or start chillin’ in big budacquire thrillers and also get memed out the wazoo by their gay fans (what’s up Nicole Kidman?). No offense to Sandra Bullock, that can conveniently swing an additional win at the Academy Awards, however she’s seemingly gone the latter route.
So, Sandy, here’s my advice: America is gay now, and if you desire to remajor America’s Sweetheart, you have to dig deep and gain gayer. Strap on your ugly ass Land’s End hiking boots and an L.L. Bean vest—or bulletproof vest—and team up with Cate Blanchett or Sarah Paulson aobtain. Give the civilization what they want. Actually, here’s my advice to all Academy Award-winning actresses over 40: If you’re not going to keep winning Oscars like Meryl Streep, then just lean hard into lesbianism and obtaining memed, and I promise, you’ll never ever before shed an ounce of relevance. Just look at Rachel Weisz. Rachel Weisz starred in two lesbian movies in 2018, and has actually set herself up for a bountiful life devoid of Osautomobile wins. And really, isn’t that a utopian future for Hollylumber actresses?