Recently, i was going v the newsletter archive of my girlfriend Christian Carter, that as girlfriend know, is one of the leading specialists in date advice for women.

You are watching: Boyfriend wants to break up but still loves me

There was one details issue in i m sorry the title literally jumped the end at me.

It"s called, “Five Reasons men Leave females They Love”.

A pretty bold notice for an article.

As contradictory as this statement may seem, I understand from personal experience that things like this do tend to happen.

I once left a woman ns loved.

Why did I do it friend ask?

I"ll tell friend in a minute, let"s an initial go with Christian"s 5 reasons why males leave women they actually love.

But before I do this, allow me do something clean beforehand:

Still thinking around your Ex?Click right here to take it the test come learn just how long it takes to heal... And how you can speed up the process.

The reasons that will certainly be proclaimed in the adhering to are NOT placing the ladies at fault for the males leaving.

It"s practically never one human being alone who"s at fault, (there space exceptions).

As I"ve said numerous times over, a separation is nobody"s fault – it"s just an occurrence of incompatibility.

Please save that in mental while you continue to read.

Reason #1: The “Pleasure Principle”

Christian is referring to the old rule that us all seek pleasure and also avoid pain. This is a an easy human driving force behind every little thing we do.

He claims that guys tend to walk away if there is too lot “pain” in the relationship, in forms of arguing and also “freaking out” around things she doesn"t like about him.

This has a substantial impact on the decision whether he is willing to put an ext energy right into the conservation of the relationship, or even if it is he move on.

My take it on this is that it"s no necessarily an exclusive factor for men to break up. No one likes to it is in in a relationship where there"s no healthy and balanced communication around problems and frictions.

It doesn"t typical that you need to slug down whatever you don"t like around him or her, it just way that you have to build the ability of interaction in a healthy and productive way, (see reason #5).

Reason #2: emotionally Experience and also The Future

Christian claims that a guy draws conclusions from just how a woman acts upon the “little things” to what she would do once the sh** yes, really hits the fan.

“…if a woman is consistently negative and emotional… and also can"t get herself together even when a man tries to describe things and comfort her… then a man isn"t going come think that things might be any far better for lock in the future.”

This is a tough one, (sounds also a tiny sexist).

When I review this reason, every little thing in me screamed, “NO, this isn"t true”. Yet on 2nd thought, aren"t us all doing this?

Aren"t we – especially in the start of a partnership – continuous testing and predicting whether he or she is “future-proofed”?

And would certainly we separation up IF we pertained to the conclusion that he or she is NOT?

I leaving that concern in the room… you"ll soon recognize why.


Reason #3: shed Feelings that Attraction

Ok, this is a large one. And a stereotype together well.

Do men leave women that they no longer find attractive even if castle love them?

Before ns tell you what Christian thinks, permit me tell girlfriend what my opinion on this one is.

I"m going to phrase this blatantly: ns think that just “bad men material” leave a mrs whom he is no longer attracted to, offered the connection is promising and there space feelings involved, (i.e. It"s not just a “physical” thing by shared consent).

“Good men” will job-related out their own issues, (yes, shedding attraction to his wife/girlfriend might be the man"s very own fault), they will take every measures necessary to re-kindle the spark that attraction.

But Christian correct isn"t exclusively talking around sexual attraction, he likewise says that:

“When a male doesn"t FEEL that deep level of connection with a woman, at the very least every so frequently to repeat him of why he"s with her, then he"ll forget why… and also the relationship will end up being just a totality bunch the “work” to him.”

I think the this is a really solid point. The emotion of link with your partner is the utmost importance and if you lose it, then you are in trouble.

Christian proceeds by claiming the the key mistake females make in this situation is to shot to re-establish connection by “fixing things”, through talking around it or “working on the relationship”.

A male wants to perform things together to understand his partnership is working, (not talk).

I couldn"t agree much more on this. This is just one of the main differences in between men and women when they shot to solve a relationship.

My tip for you is to set “memory beacons” for your connection by “experiencing” together. By experiences, I mean things you perform together, difficulties you understand together, enjoyments girlfriend live v together.

All the points that really attach you.

Reason #4: The “Neediness” of Codependence

This is, that course, a standard which is applicable same to women and also men, (in fact, this has a far much more devastating effect to the relationship when males are behaving this way).

IF this connection is whatever to you – your life"s objective – and also you have actually nothing else going ~ above in her life, you space neglecting friends, your work, your hobbies, every the things that define who girlfriend are… climate you will appear as needy, (or co-dependent).

And neediness in a relationship is just one of the best turn-offs ever before to men and women.

After her break-up, were you wondering whereby all her friends went the you offered to have plenty of contact with? room you wonder why all the things that used to give you satisfied don"t anymore? space you wondering who you became?

The factor for every one of these concerns is the you shed yourself during the relationship.

“Often times a man will leave a woman because he sees that she depends too much on him and has lost her own sources that happiness”.

Reason #5: “She"s make the efforts To solve Me…”

I need to admit that this one got me thinking.

Christian to write that despite the typical misconception that civilization can"t really change, men CAN change for a woman, however they have to do it the end of self-interest.

A man needs his very own reasons come change.

“It never ever works, or lasts, if a man simply do the efforts to readjust for a woman, or because that the services of the relationship.”

So follow to Christian, a woman deserve to take benefit of that fact by understanding HIS an individual reasons because that doing the job-related for a far better relationship.

What most women room doing not correct is the they room trying to do the man understand how it affect HER, not HIM.

“People are motivated by the things THEY WANT, and also not what others feel and want”.

Christian suggests that you occupational WITH your man, rather of against him.

He concludes by writing that among the most necessary things is producing that emotional suffer with a man. Because if a man is deep committed come you and the relationship, every “issue” you might have are simply bumps top top the road… they cannot hurt you.

But if over there is no commitment from his side, climate every little problem is walk to leaving him “irritated, frustrated, and have actually him wanting come blame you and also withdraw”.

My an individual Experience

I told you at the beginning of this write-up that ns once broke up with a woman ns loved and also said the I"d tell girlfriend my personal reasons for it.

The factor I broke up through her – and it was one of the hardest points I had actually to do, (despite my very own break-up) – was because I observed absolutely no future for a life together… and also I so dearly want a future.

We to be absolutely and also utterly not compatible in so plenty of ways… but so compatible in other small ways.

Unfortunately, those incompatibilities were the ones the mattered.

So, Christian"s reason #2 was absolutely the factor I damaged up v a woman whom i was deeply, emotionally associated with.

From my experience and knowledge I"d had until that moment, i just might not check out a happy and also fulfilled connection future.

Ultimately, ns am happy that ns did it, since that made the method to conference my wife, that I am still married come up until today.

See more: Pioneering Advertising Is Heavily Used During The _____ Of The Product Life Cycle.

If you desire to learn more about why men fall out the love, I indicate reading this article:

5 reasons Why world Fall out Of Love

What do YOU think about Christian"s reasons proclaimed above? Please perform share in the comment section.